the snowbound heart


 dials



what measure a winter long sigh?

what measure? how does a breeze

or tempestuous exhale become?

oh width of rushing atoms, this is

where the sunrise furnace comes



time? what tether is this? i am

mechanically torn as the seasons

labour, i pass the same window

of grey each unfulfilled day, and crows

like hairpins bent in their dull roam



spring be dreamt of in lethargy’s

embrace, securing slept limbs under,

yearned night sweet soft dew,

nightingale sung honeysuckle

scattered wrists strewn, remember?



a month of years, clocks are

endless lungs exerting beads

of rust, memory serves to

remind, to scorch as if moonbeams

were meant to torched



i feel oceans

stretching rivers

acid withering away petals

skeleton bodies washed with the tide’s mourn,

bliss bowers turned corpses



held you like a lifelong dreaming

only thought maintains you in

it’s tired aspic and marrow, slumber

and what true infatuation dissolves

mountains into miniature stones



hang tears like small knives

held too painfully close, the

undulating mirror is a mirror

of an orgasm throe, not

nectar shiver tho, but splinters



unhappy wheels glide silent revolution,

weathers vague

far gone celebrations, withered occasions

sorrowful and buckled and stiff anniversaries

a mortuary echo, echoes



an empty chair, a hollow table,

spoons, knives, forks,

a silent wine still in overshadowed glass

“here’s to remorse”

everlasting in foreseeable blackness



sometimes by dark waters stride

flowing thru’, thru’ into changeable

meniscus where no star or beam

can utter, like losing one’s self

in inverted wonder



like fallen flower rots,

decide to gaze there, remain there

to feel teardrops

and pretend it’s rain



sometimes by moonlight sliver

hide where secrecy tends to

narrate it’s tongue, to anyone else

only the wind in constant muffle



here i am unreconciled, a tune of,

warbles overhead by scarce birds,

music losing in the throes of mist,

fallen i crouched where the masked air insists



time mostly conceals,

time has not mended, nor healed,

time has enshrined pain into an absolute,

neither seconds nor decades pale



archives of scrawled dew and memory

glistens all of them, and bleeds from

the retina, if only animated fleshes

all laughter and stood sunshine



harken whispers breathe beating snowbound

heart, stone triumphs and silent trumpets

grieve empty, echo nought but

quartz sighs entombed by cold



lilies whiten bled already quiet remorse boldness,

dwelt ‘ere long this century’s historic dust

become whole to it’s darkened lovelorn loneliness,

and i drift down ten thousand widths of broken petals



polyps of moss, thin lines read

“slept here for an eternity, patience being

thy worldly companion waiting”

now sleep is an entirety



the days slip slow as wax into stiffness,

time, for surely time must yield,

yield me into your welcome dead airs

and grace, time




snowbound




acquaintances

how does it feel to be warm?



a child held nurtures upon wasp hiss adoration

secure as a maggot, veal white innocence



husband and wife hang blissful birds from wedding

tree, morticed together by splinters and matrimony iron



far from that wedded mask the feral handprints of sex

conquer what cannot be defended, lightning courses fleshes



i salute thee

those bound in each other

those that draw fire from water

laughter from ether



we

are shackled

fettered

tied

a misery of eons

perpetual time



true happiness is only vapour

is air,

I AM DEFLATED OF BREATH



loneliness be the wanderer of the hollow

misunderstood,

those without self or lifelong rootlessness

those who have suffered

silent scorching and unassuming gazing,

those loneliest walk eyeless repetition

un-navigable mazes

solitude, heartache, isolation



glaciers commit to beds, forfeit to a

stiffness that exerts to being dead,

across the mouth, nothing, no one,

that great outside of numb where

worthlessness is cajoled a feeling

encouraged and owned, resit minutes

in absolute deadness for examples of

smoulder but sleet is always against



snowflakes, acoustics of cold, swaggers of

permafrost dents all hope, there isn’t

anyone who will come near enough to be

that close, that my conscience doesn’t feel hoarded

or swarmed with a single loved atom

a regime of snow becoming my own

blizzard king constitution, my continuation

bleak as a drunk root adores granite



there is, dwelt horrendous worlds

obscure poets smudged in two inches of ink,

blinded by the inside of inspiration

scorched with successful failure,

there’s a broken poem on every

dissatisfied wall, a snow confusion

hissing mind of hailstone howling,

dig up the memory of being swallowed



once



what would it be like to be deep in the

wound of someone, to nourish in their

blood envelopes, to flourish among their

moaned dna as it rushes unseen voices,

crossing the narrows, the machined

synapses, amend your skull to share the

presence of another, would love ensure

a lifetime? ensnare the anchor’s stillness?



i am too many summers short too few a

skin that hasn’t been rained upon with touches,

i excel at winter high fences no stranger

can pursue or glance at the secrets i build,

harken to the mind’s incompleteness dwelling

black empty words inconsolable compositions

pages upon pages of migraine lightning,

solitary’s scorn chains us all



the alone

the self indulgent

the lepers within discourteous

perfection, eyesores, the

undesirable the unwanted,

the unloved gathered

in society’s refuse, the

rented, the abused, the divorced



those that don’t merge with god

those that are entrails of addiction



anywhere is a foe

come collect the icicles of my soul




millenium




blood stays but that friendship sea is

in decline, showing all the wrecks of

brokenness there has been, lovers

listless in coral smothered smocks



families dismantled for crabs to pick

and suture their own houses, blunt

wrists of all the people i’ve known

stiff epitaphs of rotten goodbyes



i’m insincere, of the eyes i have

glowed in but glow i did and buried

myself in someone tho love never

did take purchase



stride the quicksands

to unfriendlier applause,

i’ve drawn blanks all my life

a loser sketched in a nowhere time



rebuffed, rebuked, refused



i’m a discordant charity

led down deception’s slope,

there, entirely disappointed,

confined inside the bloom of a fertile bruise



a suffocant in an awkward box

a struggler in a jester’s corpse

truly did god shape this skin’s

occupant and it’s privilege ?



return me back as flawed



to cease, to stop, to halt



i’m more that fifty clocks older

now and couldn’t be more greyer,

that geyser that youthfulness

pinched and strangled at it’s source



there’s no river flowing backwards

no yesterday’s sky to observe fleeing from,

the painful ease of joints won’t occur

in such selfish welfare cutting forays



i remember the route i was exerted

from, expelled more like or so it’s

throwing felt, desolate, i was stomach

churned the inside of a feeling



all else left deserted or adulthood

would have us suppose, everything

blinkered or commercially hooked

for all addicts to nurture obsessively



worn by that stamina of time, every

death is a life someone mentioned,

to die to wake to rekindle again, a

waste of conservation my instinct says



clocks often are misery and rust those

attentive enough to waste themselves

as nothing approaches, we all tick into

the wealth of dirges that past exhibits



sadly admired my first love true

idyllic in that backwater curse

fingering wetness and affirming lids

pulled from the wake of orgasm



and it’s white grimace



patrols of religion are out, should

they suspect we’ll both strangle

from the nearest bough or at

least be birched by their tongues



quick about stealth, sundays

built by guilt are gruesome

from the pulpit, made teenage

years hell



i’ve trod on angels

squeezed their schemed wings,

my only bloodsport

was annihilation and



a thwarted mirror i

refused to gather it’s

reflection copy, refusing to

reconcile it’s doppelgänger



it’s taken this damned long

to traverse irreversible peaks

to congeal some kind of future,

yet striding is listless now



everywhere opaque fellows

look at those valium lifetimes

drift amongst their eyes of snow

shuffling thru limited years



knowing shadow is but a

queue into darker things,

reassurances continue

but the ravine is stark



and a charcoal deep intestine,

should silence choose you to

rest in, those drab petals will

close over an unfurl of permanence



some heads are so swarmed

with internal daggers that no

kindness no compassion can

toil to heal



their tremble, their paper thin

hearts rip into butterflies

fleeing, so sad to witness

adult disintegration



happens often, often as bee

pillaged flowers, there exists

melodic acceptance of, an

uneasy alliance that silences



all unsettled behind such

masks a lifetime wears,

sadness such stubborn

attrition



i am being bled by the minutes

that cannot be relived, bled

like tiny seas seeping, daily clocks

are being led towards death



precise hearses for quiet to

achieve over, deep, deep lids,

“follow” sighs the wind’s funeral

hush, “follow”



so many, many more ghost

themselves unworthy and

will never strive greater

than futility



streams of them, entire estuaries

humanity endeavours the

swells and drowning, full

of faces yet shells



oh my ironic self

a maverick seeking

disapproval but even the

words i am sickened with



have ignore all over their

disinterest, loneliness has

me gutted with a penknife,

a monument sleeper for lookers to leer at



“gave up upon the world”

“life sucks the marrow from

tomorrow” will not be dwelt in,

I AM SOBER OF AFFECTION




shrine



oh the innards of

decaying pantries,

a stale’s gestation

memory burst thru’

with dirtiest stamens



no sanitation



made this alcove mine

home where the curse begins

a toil of serpent circles,

the forbidden, it’s gristle

reeks exhaustion, loving the



inhale



fathoms hid most private

sanctum, adytum, illicit

my antipodean self quite

red rushed explicit, the skin,

the body vowed worship



sip it’s muddy soaked disgust



tangled i, noose around the

swollen stem, a dirty made

possession, imbues pretend

mouths all over the shivered

senses, a lightning tongue



aches that arc of want, shove

another’s sweat into the

male herded maelstrom,

gone off proteins makes the

heart whip faster



that tainted corpse wants

tarnishing more, filthy

colours in their addictive

adult spill, don’t let the ordinary

corners of others spy



unless deceit happens collapses

then it’s rid of the mind



oh but this stunk honey runs

ingenious temptation, builds about

a frost of no, but the engines of

my cunt soon melt, punctures

refusal, i’m swooning hell



this is dark association

some would inflict “a

mental aberration”, my

twin insisting companion

narcissus preening rust



pulling atoms apart for

the desire of it, cajole the

wrongness of it’s linen

blood into an accepting

shake of the limbs



few are for, and that brought

revulsion, prisms were cried

tearful childhood tomb, wounds

took to their root, gargoyles and

fearfulness grew



in quiet loveless places scarce

tried to undo wings of grimy

compulsion, desire only strengthened

it’s masculine, it’s magnificence,

strangles i, ethers me well



paid homage, the inanimate

rejuvenated rotten, adoring

always until the aftermath

comes molten, my wonderment

sighs revolted



anointed self, and the peak was

trodden, my feelings equivalent

neither kind or malevolent,

suitor less and rejected, shameful

even



my testimony, my confession

my co-conspirator quickly

taken from the surface and

drowned quicker, no gleam or

unwritten chasm left



undoubtedly made this alcove mine




spell



under thrall of

your intimate weathers

sometimes i am

from myself,

severed



no fresh root white

finding it’s anchor,

i was clueless of

such deep selfish

skies



so much rain i

find your fingerprints

amongst the wet

forensics where

kisses are



murdered



you share shadow

like habitual dosages,

addictive to your taste

of skin, it elaborates

fire-full-voltages



move where your

muscles make me,

an outline suppressed

that no sigh can make

it’s lungful exit



tonight there is a dead

bulb ceiling, smudged

by intention, your

intrusive bones, exact

entry is a sea of it’s own



and when slept

frost is where i am

kept, bejewelled

with the iciest of

jewels




grief



a

single

crocus

bore

it’s

bloom

where

his

body

fell

softly

winds

blew

shook

the

petals

onto

the

blood

drenched

soil

the

sharpest

jewel

cut

his

mother’s

wrought

eye

fathoms

froze

her

stricken

heart

died

a

single

flower

grew

a

solemn

purple

bruise




ached




found only ghosts and slain princes

emptiness where wardrobes should

be full weird, wonderful rainbows,

dull solemn eyes pretend, and fear

has real root here a kingdom of

broken wings all hidden under

drab lids, there’s a poison out there

with flags and disapproval, whose love

to eradicate, to kill next?



there should be shimmer, a sea’s

worthy groan an exit of moans

from mouths, but sex is policed

like wolves upon a carcass and

cauterised by religion, how many

have stood in despair and rotted

down to a displaced place of

hopelessness? break all those

sighs ever blown or kept



i was crouched among teenage

proteins all hairy sharpness and grenades

it stretched the calcium cities and

voices from shrill notes became

deep as bark, there’s a furnace in

every cell seeping it’s furious

craving to let each planet burst,

snowflakes incinerate upon hot ingots

desire is flung far from off it’s axis



it’s twilight now and the air is

sweetly thickened, insects mating

in the draped fingers of boughs,

a moon half scarce amongst slow

wandering cloud, illegal togetherness

copying one another’s sadness

knowing that openly the gallows

would act or the mind gassed,

here’s to neutralised enlightenment



hoodlum - hooligans, thug of the

trousers, constant turmoil is such

snakes, lust is often and bludgeons,

stiffness is from the shrieked sheets

and is everywhere as a kind of limb

to where thought is flowed thru’ when

striding the sexual furrow, popping

bombs of sticky want, to stop would

be to buRn quite hotly molten down



shadow always has narratives and

scolds when doubt is bright, consider

the route of my bones as meant, that years

have strangled many birthdays, and where

i am feels lent, decades to have wandered,

not someone but no one has become

the song to my blood, tears nowadays

have no enthusiasm and aren’t cried

often



soon, those who are nearness, “someday

your kind king will come and build you upon

every soar, seldom will you want to come

down to such spoilt earth and resume ordinary”,

if only advice wasn’t ruins and full of far off

wishes, each balances upon a pin, one

sincere blush and that wish deadens,

learning is not to pine or to cling to what

cannot be sure



tho such loneliness does resound and

it’s whining radio never switches to

dirge silence, a lament perhaps or an

irritated lifetime, where are all those

moments that could have been touches

gone? too late now dusk captivates the

past of it all, but what my stiff heart had

sung still goes on, melodic and quite

achingly so



we are all desperate for honey

as if our lives depend upon such

sweet tastes




my heart sores for thee



attach the crimson dream

to a silence that won’t prosper



connect the silver proposal of

obsession jewelled before the

length of like



interprets by the ravine-

mind phosphorus bright



an illusion somehow of breaths

upon you torn winds from a sky



i would entwine thee to a

sublime ending



if reason would

ask me so



choirs that sing of

heartache rend in bluest hollows

a shell like keepsake



reappear like a rapist and

take me down to the raw

bone



i would writhe there

if only warm seasons

i would feel



commit the next icicle

inspire me to drown

a dirge of alphabets



this room is harsh

white like a screaming

pure page



it’s loneliness is

profuse, a copious

laid in cube



where is the touch i

would slaughter for?



how many gazes have

i become? forsaken

like driftwood



sigh

i am dead leaves

fleeing winter’s holler



forsake gold for all

that glisters

is not worthy of crowns




a rending place



seeking benediction?

we thirst salvation

relief from despicable suffocation

healing from personal crucifixion



hollow is as meant and greatly wept into,

all shadow is darker, more fearful here

convoluted stains they who shrink without face

this bruised persistent place



refuge

where broke sighs

won’t mend,

screams embellish bone

and sink anguish filled

lakes, repeat drowning



turmoil

and they who toil

black emotional waters,

this loveless plague

torn shapes

by knives

by razor blades

the un-healing, the hurt

the cuts that continue

to raze deeper,

reincarnate the lovers

strangle with freshly tied nooses



tears belie the silver fuels and desiccated fossils

that churn the eye with grief and sorrow

there glistens maelstroms within the solitude of

wrists yearning to pacify, to cease



to the loved, to the loved

diminished people roam

this windowless hole this

ceiling where mouths are rooted



this abyss is open

the ravine awoken

and in it’s black hellishness

swirl moans every kind of broken



cry

the crucified

in daily boring

performances



hell is actually here

amongst the wrought,

here the rejected, the spurned

are fucked ritual bloodsports



a city beneath these drunk pills

dwelling in the minds of the damned

we lament this far down

by screamed vowels, roar and howl



this citadel

outward mausoleum crept with silence

charcoal hallways thru’ gargoyle watched archways

wet walls of ichor and damp vengeance,

this nowhere this place appalled

in the rotting species of our brood



the beheaded few are

too senseless to exist,

the many are incarcerated

headfirst in bile or prisms

of cold identical slices

there atom from atom perishes



this ain’t no haven to soothe

or medicinal comfort, no safe hold

where raucous pillows keep

the floor from falling, we have

become filthy blindness

self harming angers



here we wander

mutilating the soul

asylum of breached skulls



by a slow ocean of disfigurement

the belly before the bowel

slit women scrawl their hammered heads

into the ground trying to

obscure or claw out the pain,

symbolic, a girl impales herself thru’ a cactus bayonet



there’s a boy with a

wreath for a neck,

copies of screeches

flood ripped eyelids

where splinters grow

unchecked



glimpses of sellotaped men

sutured to the sharp shore,

the stale tide fills every gape

every mouth, each worthlessness,

each whore, hearts being butchered

whilst the devil applauds



and i

i have descended,

the rawness of my

blood about to be

taken, this pit has

a wide jaw



nerve endings

barb wire

rending

there’s a

mirror i want to

shrivel upon



suck the gleaming

from under eyesight

abort the sky

of sunshine



pluck it out

beat it out

drag the seed’s newborn

and shatter the cot i grew you in



this ain’t no rejuvenation

no miracle removable bandage

i exert wounds that yearn

to flourish black stinking weeds



so love is a true guise

of poison, as addicts we

inflict it’s injection only to

yield, to buckle, to fall again



into

plummeted places

for demons to consume

from inside ribcages




the unrequited



blow upon a spark

does not the smallest ember

frantic glow?



so, from tiniest tinder

of cupid caressed blood

a fierce fire kiln roaring volcano



thus, from seed into

mightiest sentinel tree,

stream into vast sea



so does fond affection grow

unchecked, lithe buds swollen

thirst seeks old skies to conquer



so begins unrequited curse,

atoms make the world

in heart sworn disguises



a raindrop does not become an ocean

but an ocean is countless watery beads

such are thoughts



alone, they are unbidden half flitting

madness, joined an obsession to

be reckoned



disquiet sings

from earthly shadow’s reason

form for me sunlight, lust



arc the hurt of me with want,

loved is fragile realm of

unconscious corpses



awaken slumber’s deepest pivot

shatter the dust opaque lids

remove the quiet-clandestine-eyed



silence for the grave now

i want to holler unseen colours

transmit from this grey horizon



smooth away the stars of your

mind full of spires,

defences, dust becomes all of them



admit me like a beam like a

sensual softness, an uninterrupted

gleam of rain that covets



and i would buRn

buRn up the spine,

anatomy of fire



but the winter of your eyes

spurn, i go unnoticed,

fallen like a discarded gaze



figments gather fleshes

alone in my room of

nudges and participating dusk



fathoms in the pubic of your

imagined taste,

thru’ into stickier places



beyond the eyelids i feel

your nourish like a gorgeous

climate



but atoms won’t come

together to exist in shape,

and i am beneath the quietest scar



daily bedlam, shrill harps

deafens the world that tries

to wrap it’s pollution round me



poems scratched upon white blindness

and will not utter or be read

once this aneurysm of ink is done



without love

upon a spark i have been utterly blown

numb



this honey sickness in jaws that tempest

i would have gladly knelt before death

or pursue the dragged road into hell



if only once your glance would bestow

fond upon me

i would willingly be compliant condemned



tethered sings the broken lark

i’ll pine alone amongst

the electrocution of spring



blow upon a spark

this ember, this indigo moan

shall never dim




netherworld tears



hear the salute of rain

it delves where the ducts

grieve most and are sodden

wet silvers



there’s an approach of

silence it quietens every

month, there is no

flavour to life or atom



scented rivers,

blossom exhausted exhale

spent of zinc,

the crocus furnace ceases



touches were

electrifying arcs,

now winters wend thru’

memory’s skeleton



imprints of caresses

iridescent and fading

forensic puzzles

left under wasp stings



my love, fortunate i our destinies met

love… without whom i am desolate

my soul’s companion, my lustre, my meant



this body blissful discovery, eyes that

become a sea, aqua and azure gleams,

it’s tides bring me nerve ending shudder

into shocking eternity



strode water lane

where foxgloves

seem to bow,

wandered past drear

and forgetful buildings

to the nasturtium’s riot

the ease of flies wheel



remember

uncertain advances

my heartbeats soared

doves free’d from stiff cages

and horizons fell

beneath the world,

the entire day being swallowed



thistle fighting nettle

ivy tugging tree,

fox lairs asleep by

talkative grasses,

now a fierce

melancholy

a dusk of sad tranquility



my conscience, my everlasting, my solace

seeks refuge, seeks the muffle of a

cocooned cave, eyes have sung out their

last, that sorrow gathers it’s vast empire

a desert ever stretching, ever reaching,

be my drought, my utter famine



i have wept hoping that wetness would

quench, threw the orchid’s beauty

into beckoning shade, perhaps you would

return, watched the earth’s hourglass

fall ashes, fall dust, the dust i now wished

would covet us both



the soil that now separates us

i bid farewell but can’t,

sleep safe beloved in dreamt ether,

that bare petal to nostalgia fell

now the rose is anorexic and

the willow turned postmortem



fragments of, quietly remain

diminishing into strewn yesterday,

all bright things drably exert dullness

and the world is sharply sober, almost

hurtful an intruder of jagged clarity

repossesses my everywhere



a solitary cry felt it sigh

into the mind soft as an albatross

gliding thru’ whispering lightning

“oh lord of scars why have you taken

me?” “my prime, my ecstasy has

been severed prematurely”



no reply was shimmered



thru’ kingdom of airlessness stride this

cruel land like a person lost without intention

that vow strongly deafening as light appalls

the scar i tend to and it’s tissue garden,

i am half whole without you by my side,

without love dull is the brightest place



that gazed moon captured

struggles for reflection

it ghosts the steel furling waves and

gathered within a frosty mane,

below where all the wrecks try out

their groans and succeed to die a little



like i, like i



hushed fell upon

watching the sky strangled

by cold cold waters as if damned


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