tears for a fallen father



i will not let dark occur

or dusk inhabit the sunshine

edges


i think of you

in sleep's most ambient gaze,

a gentle smile then it rained


a distant voice of

gathered whispers,

a distant song


calling you

calling you

to meet old vanished friends


but here,

here the sun is broken

and the sky bereft


as if sunlight

has been banished

and the noise from laughter, muffled


i will not let twilight

become the end of day

or sorrow to requiem brighter


wish,

for you are eternal

in my sigh


and i will

sigh

often


in every

archived

moment


think you in

every heartbeat pause

or season unfolding


i fold each empty day

as if you have filled

them


i'll go beyond

clocks to revisit you

in every yesterday spent


i will not let tomorrow take you


you'll be in every atom

every bud about to

fling


i will not let the devil occur

or quiet take you,

you are infinite here


beyond my shoulder

but far from crows on

crippled boughs


listen


listen to

the breeze

held within my heart


you

are named

upon every petal


tho' silence comes

with eyelids

full of dew


i will not forget you



taken thru' hushed veils



where are you? "gone"

sighs the tremble in the

breeze, "gone" says the crow

in it’s dark charcoal speech


gone, and the heart’s blast was

terrible, it took mountains to

rubble, splintered the sky right

thru’ and bled out it’s river


all the sleeps i had become

lay rotten whilst tomorrow opens

itself and was fearful, so the

heart began to pile it’s ashes


and time began to discard, began

to unravel the cot where i was started,

deleting anywhere known and trusted,

this everywhere of now became natural holes


filled with attempts at nothingness, and

ravines for childhood to tumble into, losing

it’s treasure as it falls, losing everyone i

ever gathered, the prosper of love withered


where are you? soaring now with the weather

fronts? thru’ the solemn voices of rain? or the

creak of dew amongst the hedges, perhaps in

the sea’s unfurling it’s coveted coat of blues?


no echo can recite i can’t remember you in,

so the slopes of synapses go vague and numbness

talks as if i am it’s buried companion, entire

days lose their lived-in-ness, and hurt is wrongful.


to that grey resentful tide, to that pall excluding

light, to grief’s unbearable city, you are silence

do not silence me, do not collect my words

before they are spoken, i had plenty then


now the mouth has lost all wordage, all floors drop

chasms where my stride is damned and in perpetual

recognition of a mortuary circle, you commit sunshine

into dusk, into plummeting inwardness


bulbs that should enlighten spring go back

to dirges, undo the root that has always anchored

me a safe heartbeat, a grey path endures to a grey

abysmal place where cranial fallout continues


enough of downpours, enough to ensure the desert drowned,

the spire seeped and the soul moaned, here is being

borrowed by something else, being gnawed at, and falling

always, thru’ damaged constellations, tear ducts are oceans


then all else was simpler,

pain has become a labyrinth a purgatory

puzzle, an-entire-life limb-liked as if

my everywhere had been killed



in reverence



the heron’s

stance is

thwarted by

silence being

stiller


and geese

are in quiet

arrows no

glance would

note


shrill

shrieked

gulls

are mute

upon the sea’s pause


no chaffinch

squabble or

robin flinch,

boughs are in

solemn grace and creak not


no breeze will

make leaf-

shimmer or

stir aphid from

sleepy stem


that raucous

stream subdues

its silver choking,

no hare will chase

on tear soaked soil


traffic salutes but no

engine will occur to

stir its wasps, no train

will pass the soot

crept viaduct


drink turns sour

in every bar, no

music can bare

its own noise,

sadness illustrates-


everywhere


flowers delay their

colourful collars and

bees refrain from pollen

danced parlours, no

spider bothers with a web


all eyes are fit

for dew

but no other

glances,

will tomorrow


differ?


or well copied

to repeat,

will weather be

the sombre same

where no sunbeam


wishes to fall?



the silencing



the day

has passed


its gloom

well inked


dusk fingers

those arches

silenced


having been

walked thru’


no echo is

returning


no page can

be brought back

once glanced at


so lifetimes are curled

beyond their quiet lids


that muffled rain upon

so many a grief will be

a permanent shouting sea


enthralled by

stricken tearing


sadness i

cannot stand

these torn atoms -


of blown

apart

oceans


mountains

into unforgettable

splinters


i am where

sieges of silence

begin


it refuses

voice, and

floors are


fallen footsteps

a drowned past

aching


until my every

spring achieves

true wither


no daffodil dwells

nor mammal leap,

no upright song


as if the air about

is crying


there is condolence

slick as politeness

and i


i am ill repaired

as if teardrops

boil my bones


no horizon will

be strode towards

or gained


no sleep to rise

well being from,

no ease of hurt


calendars are

corrupt and seem

to widen days


i’ll not be a part

of those usual hours

of peopled alcoves


here is that

everlasting minute

of loss


of something ripped

from comfort,

a howl that is muted


forever



together



star-cold-grieves,

the horizon has

never been further


waves of, come to

haunt, to layer me

deeper lost


like the loss of someone

once-was being loved, 

gone


like the inner of a

mountain being

ripped out


like the sky is only

unbreathable tearfuls,

where the mind is


only spires of black

where childhood-symmetry

cracks


that moon startled hill

where moonbeams throe,

isn’t that you in stillness?


you in your father’s

embrace? in pale

glows outside of dusk


i know where you are

not stifled in your lungs

or betrothed to cancer


no docile nurse to nod

at your death, no impatient

hearse to complain


you are where songbirds

hasten to your smile, where

shade is unrecognisable people


i know the quiet i’ve become

is because of loss and the vast

canyons it brings -


it winds the soul

deeper than

i have ever been


weeps me like

a continuous

river


a grief unending

a burial of one's

self whilst walking



taken



yesterday

happened

as meant


quite

naturally

quite beautifully sung


that dash of

onwards towards

finishing horizons


curlews

obey dusk’s

pigmented palaces


soon

constellations -

about their crowns


wonderfully noiselessness

across idyllic fade-able

horizons


but today


occurred cruelly

occurred stab wounded,

unkind, intentional


occurred

with the riddance of

skies, black poulticed heavy with insistence


a strangle in all

throats? no the world

must thrive on


audiences of

criticism in birdsong

weathers -


going their normal

their ordinary bones,

yet tragedy passes


no prelude no consent

stood thru a lifetime, 

there, then, taken


gone like the hoarders

of spring, gone from

my conversation


a concise hearse

drags my heart’s width

thru deserts of scratches


it gives wither

a permanent

under


a countryside’s

scathe beneath

saying ordinary hellos


there’s torn, much

to be torn about, the

hills i grew my childhood about, rips


the past re-troubles but

cannot re-glow but museums

itself stygian


now down awful lanes

awful wreathes bent-grief-

shaped, i stride like a stray


the heart is

impassible, implausible

of ever being touched again


i roam thru everywhere’s

dead corridor where love

is unavailable and the loneliness


sincere


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