3 tears deep



tears for a fallen father







i will not let dark occur

or dusk inhabit the sunshine

edges




i think of you

in sleep's ambient gaze,

a soft smile within rain




a distant voice of

gathered whispers

a distant song




calling you

calling you

to meet old vanished friends




but here,

here the sun is broken

and the sky bereft




as if sunlight

has been banished

and the noise from laughter, muffled




i will not let twilight

become the end of day

or sorrow to requiem brighter




wish,

for you are eternal

in my sigh




and i will

sigh

often




in every

archived

moment




think you in

every heartbeat pause

or season unfolding




i fold each empty day

as if you have filled

them




i'll go beyond

clocks to visit you

in yesterday's toil




i will not let sleep take you




you'll be in every atom

every bud about to

fling




i will not let the devil occur

or quiet take you,

you are infinite here




beyond my shoulder

but far from crows on

crippled boughs




listen




listen to

the breeze

held within my heart




you

are named

on every petal




tho' silence comes

with eyelids

full of dew




i will not forget you





taken thru' hushed veils






your are

silence




do not

silence me




do not collect

my words




before they

are spoken




you commit

sunshine




into

dusk




remove the

clock




from it's

past




undo the root

that has always




anchored me

a secure heartbeat




soaring now

with indigo doves




across a smooth

green sea




swan white

mountains are atoms




no echo

can begin




to speak of the

life you have been




whispered among

the breezes





in reverence






the heron's

stance is

thwarted by

silence being

stiller




and geese

are in quiet

arrows

no glance would

note




shrill

shrieked

gulls

are mute

upon the sea's pause




no chaffinch

scrabble or

robin flinch,

boughs are in

solemn grace and creak not




no breeze will

make a leaf

to shimmer or

stir the aphids

from sleepy stem




that raucous

stream subdued

it's silver gargle,

no hare will chase

on tear soaked soil




traffic in salute but

no engine will occur

to stir it's wasps,

no train will pass

the soot crept viaduct




drink turns sour

in every bar, no

music can bare

it's own noise,

sadness illustrates everywhere




flowers delay their

colourful collars and

bees refrain from pollen

parlors, no spider bothers

with a web today




all eyes are fit

for dew

but no other

glances,

will tomorrow differ?




or well copied

to repeat,

will weather be

the sombre same?

no sunbeam wished to fall





the silencing




the day

has passed




into gloom

well inked




 dusk fingers




the arches of

silence




have been

walked thru'




no echo

returning




no page can

be brought back




once glanced

at




so lifetimes are curled

beyond their quiet lids




the muffled rain in

so many a grief




will be it's permanent

shouting sea





the tearing






enthralled by

this entire

sadness




i cannot

stand these

torn atoms




of blown

apart

seas




mountains

into

splinters




i am

where

silence begins




it refuses

voice,

and floors are




fallen footsteps

of drowned past

aching




aching me

until spring

completes it's wither




no daffodil dwells nor

mammal leap,

no upright song but sighing




the air about is

no longer sweet

but curdled




cloyed with

condolence and

ill repair




as if teardrops

sear my bones

boil my thoughts




there is no

horizon to be

gained




no sleep to

rise from, no

ease of hurt




tho' decadent

days wheel from

corrupt calendars




i'll not be apart

of the usual hours

of peopled alcoves




here is this

everlasting minute

of loss




of something ripped

from comfort,

a howl that's muted




forever






together








i know where you are

not stifled in your lungs

or betrothed to cancer




no docile nurse to

nod your death




you are where songbirds

hasten to your smile,

where shade is

recognisable people




memory no more

but real shards, your mother

draped in cotton white

eased with detailed petals




you in your father's

embrace





taken






yesterday

happened

beautifully




curlews

obeying dusk's

calling




constellations

about their

crowns




wonderful silence

across idyllic

horizons




but




today

occurred

cruelly




no prelude

for being

taken





silent hearse






i give wither

a permanent

under




i stride those

about to fall

from edges




remove the last

glimpse of life,

eye lit ashes




secure the heart

with un-passable

molasses




i roam thru'

day lit hours

or moon obscured skies




no bed nor door

or wall shall cease

my entry




no dream defences

or priest or witch will

deny purchase




sleep will be

forever here whilst

the mourners persist




in ink groped groups

of maudlin and prayer,

no lid or flame will




prevent your freedom





aftermath






ease me by

cutting

nerve from

mind




allow me

silence,

muffle the

weeping




rain




i cannot stop

this grey

feeling

this gazed greyness




so many minutes

amass that days

are forgotten and

words wooden




this heart achieves

too many grazes,

tears

slash myself upon




inconsiderate sunshine

laughter from unknown

people, resume the

nation's heartbeat




i?

i am stood or

sat as if everywhere is

vanished or




vanquished




defiant in my

absolute winter

opaque waking

and moving thru'




these hours that

collect me

dead sleeping

i am




rain counting

and feeling each

cried drop, it

worsens when




i think you in

the archives i

built of memory

pages




ease me by

silencing the world's

noise, an exile in

stood sleep




splinters seem to

become everything

and sadness pours

it's own commentary, it's own entire sea





back to ordinary






back to

quiet leafing

to lustre

less




where waking

appears

pointless




am i lung

bothered to

breathe?




that rose

that gave your

gaze such bliss




is teardrop heavy

i cannot bare to

look at




absence leaves the

world quite

ordinary





one of three bothers







you gave my mother gleaming




oh penzance man

where the harbour walls shrugs

the sea, you run with petals

in your heart, running quicker than

the gulls you cannot outwit the

steam train, faster now your

pace is quicker to see her smile

perfection




come speedier her sighs do ring

that marazion girl where the marsh

birds flock and fold in geometric

artwork, blushed blood anticipates

that kisses will soon begin, her upon

the ivy shackled wall watches the lane

for footsteps to be heard, come rushing

her handsome penzance fellow




the sky has arrived at nectar





on broken shores






heads foamed fury

furious opals shatter,

white limbs and white wrists

gasp on white fragments

and sucked back to sea




i stride the ink of winter




no sunbeam strikes here

no seagull language overhead

no shell to glimpse an echo in




mermaid deaths openly

break the surf,

i watch their sighs expose

heaven,

and the sky is muted




howl

wave

upon solemn wave

an azure of

daggers, of tears




horizon

dark instinctive

ravens course the cowl

of my vision,

a soul in suffocation




grey kingdoms become

the heir of people

to re-anchor silence,

narrate the seeped heart

that voice below lids




that constant lung

of liquid caress

of discarded jetsam

a person is that

wreckage




days

dead days

calendar

unnoticed

swift as a slow crocus




i collect the tide's moan





petal's fallen






so the ceased

has happened

constant petals

falling




i am torn from

breath




felt my father

vanish




and childhood

epitaphs roared




that roamed

shore where

father's gaze

held me safe




that nightmare

etch thru' sleep's

disquiet my father

chased away




petals now fall

towards silence




i will never

discover your face




again




and the air about

me holds grief

like a tethered bird

like a butterfly given




cobweb





ripped






i cannot begin to soar

or rise above this shadow

inflicted line




this country is

dead to me,

the sea i strode

it's gleamed edge

does not conjure me

into any happiness




rust in every flower

i watch each insect

decay and silence

become, this is

the burden i come with

of childhood wither




and excruciating

fragments that love wields

memory like a 1000 thorns

in throats. that glancing is

too painful a shoulder

the devil would urge be splintered




i cannot become the

smile i used to think myself in

for that curve of skin is ripped




broken everywhere

this world commences

but i am lit

a despair of lids and throttled

petals, under staleness

i submit




what wakes is not truly me





birds





see the chaffinches

acrobat the leaf affected

branches




wagtails nod

formal wings

amongst crumbs dancing




a robust robin

scarce but bold

rust




my father

now folded

in echoes




i'm sure watches




seagull sketched skies,

a wren that tries to

remain secret




mottled

throated

legged




feathers

all kinds

arrive before




departing




like you my father




there in one glance

and vanished in

another





what grief has done, achieved it's gloomy kingdom






so

sighed

mountains

decline




the sea

resorts

to a

puddle




invert the

skies stars

to

drabness




lock away

each song,

each poet's

line




refuse the

root to

bud

appear




prohibit

spring

subdue

awakening




i'll not be

the same

person, a

different shade




coerced with

sharper more

sinister

edges




i make

yesterday

appear

more often




ahead is

burden and

discordant

roads




i am

becoming

more and more

holes




a gaze

of grazes

a buried

landscape




this prolonged

minute

each chloroformed

second




i wish

you in

an embrace

lit up with constellations





occurrences







i asked god

but got the

devil




your fingers

stink rotten

shadow




you've taken

the floor i

roam upon




obliterated

now and shaken

time to hurt slower




that mirror

is a gaze

of silence




i seek

refuge from

your murder




cancer for

clothes and bones

for nurses to wand over




that chemical portent

for health to return

false truth afflicted cells




i know in solitary fences

of ink wrapped beds

you screamed and yelled




i do not own you

cried the devil,

but near as you subside




these months

represent years

of degrading circles




of seasons bewitched

with odious medicine,

an interrupted lung




no sea could exist it's freedom

an atom against the hurtle of clocks

you do not owe the devil




i feel you

in the air about me

like invisible petals




i asked god

knowing you are surrendered

safe




you are well

amongst the

glowing gales





how skies become empty






i hear the

voice of the harbour

net caught stars

the heavens are not

empty




i think your

smile, but absence

frosts upon my heart




i listen to

crow crowded branches

to playgrounds full

of quick skirts and

trousers




i wish you

laughter, but silence

snares my quiet heart




i watch for

petals about to fling from

buds, for glistening

to occur, eyelids

become rain




i hold you on

memory slopes, but

today is too near an

abyss, skyscraper

swallowed





my heart is dwelt






why reason footsteps

towards sleep?

we go without

silence




i've enough rain

to last the years

ahead, memory

falls from eyelids




picture you

think you,

snare happiness

upon my fingers




cool inks

vanquish day

and dreams forage

those asleep




mine are dewdrop

hindered,

as if my roam

has been ceased




collecting autumns

as i know i will

waiting until

we next meet




by soft gossamer hills

or by rose entangled arch,

cemetery patience

i watch summers fall




until sleep's disquiet






that silences






i cannot occur

or continue

roads of

discordant ashes




yet i follow night

as if sadness are atoms

for me to own

to burnish brighter




that awful day of

falling of ruin of

destroyed floors

and torn down skies




gone from me, taken

from me and replaced

with abstract breezes of

terrible sorrow




a finality

wave like

silences

to tear planets




i cannot be the

person i once was

indelible caresses

carve me




i do not see the

meant path or to

follow petals as

they fall




as if the universe has

been spilt of stars

its blackness

has a soul to dwell




this hole of

forever

anniversaries

of reenacted tear ducts




where will i be

when silences

inch the people

i mirror my gaze in?




tearing at

the universe





take down the sky






the cogs the atoms of

sunrise will occur

and thus morning

is fulfilled




and sleep shall lose

it's oblique fastening,

a thaw of tears




from this bed of

dreamed constellations

emptiness

desolation




i hate the sunshine

inhabiting secluded

dusk




it wears bright clothes

ill befitting circumstance

i want gloom to dress the

world's circumference with shade




with night so deep

children think never

to re-awake





echo, if you really were






if i could take that day

you vanished in

and shut off every

clock




would you still be here

to embrace like a

father could?




if by making birdsong quiet

by returning sunbeams as

they fall, would you have

been allowed to stay?




to be with me

to be the circumference

of my shore





grief has grim appearances






another killed

minute

i cannot bare




eulogies heavier

than the tide

speak lonelier





i keep winter






i have no inclination

to wake

to lung bother

air intake




with ink

up to the neck

a morass of

mind molasses




don't know

floor from

sky, food from

bleach




further wounding

is silent

but achieves

greater absence




so is time within

my watch a healer?

it prolongs winter

and cold so neat to keep




corpses





misery’s calendar






dusk is

announced,

do not allow

sunbeam linger




prohibit smiles,

cork laughter,

ashes become

your fingers




prevent the

happening

spring, undo

each bud as it




flings

bright emblems




ignore wonder

refuse the sea

but accept rain

accept the silence




that it brings





take back everything






i would take back

spring or burden

the devil with my

shoulders




if

your smile

once more

would be

constellation

lit here




i'd give back the

sea, remove each

song from blissful

beak




if

to gaze

once more

father

beside

son




but night is well

inked and the heart

too archived

too strewn




i gather whispers of

memory, of lanes

we roamed down or

beaches surf gleamed

upon





listened to






hear a dewdrop's

pause,

before such a wet

sphere

falls




eyelids are

beckoned to

by sleep




hear the rain

awaken hearts

filled with

sad seas

about to burst




lifetime

glistened

once




then

such glistening

gone




i listen to

the crows or

gulls in sulked skies




of viaducts that

produce a train's

bones




of daffodil pickers

taking spring to

hidden pockets




a breeze

that pond resurfaces

with a gleam




playgrounds lit

with addictive games

of childhood sung roots




remember mine

entwined in climbing

frames or funfair




spilt colours




of streams that

needed to be waded

down




i bike the

back roads to

marazion




to hayle again

where the anchor

of my home is




if chased by shadow

i am safe in the

room of my kernel




sweets and school days

erode themselves

but still my father is




a sturdy horizon

to aim to

to exact my life against




decades decease

pleased by memory,

twice daily geese




arrow thru' sky

an estuary of

echoes




of overwhelming




bed became your

life no chemical

wizard could mend




grey as 2009 did, it's

autumn well diminished

next year called to you




of sleeps, many insisted

you'll not wake again

but promise did not keep




74th of may and the road is

roamed still forever as my

childhood existed




now breath is easy upon

open hills and lungs are

free for fresh wonder




the train from silent station

has departed, and tho' scarves

are black and bleak




and handkerchiefs make up

the sky well with muffled

creases for tears to possess




i will miss you until i arrive

within your arms




hear a dewdrop's

falling,

it won't take

forever

to reach the floor





severing the sun






windows are

filled with tears

have the oceans

spilt? or the skies

been poured from?




time has seized itself

and halted, the calendar

has been thwarted but

emptiness continues

cold paralysis




memories

blow away ashes,

i yearn to piece

such midnight fragments

such tiny eclipses




ink seas weep across

dismantled shores,

a melancholy caresses

severing anyone from




the root they began from





lanterns






tho the devil has ownership

of night and it's ink shade

fellows




tho death belongs to silence

and conscience is a fleeting

dewdrop beneath sunshine




tho sleep is recovery from hurt and

ill whispered things, returning is

how to suffer least




tho shadow is too embraced

with what we fear most





wither world






rootlessness

the mind is without

anchor




and the daffodils

are bleak and

broken




a sea interrupts

the grey land

a grief of echoes




the sky

has too much

spare rain




and the road

is ruptured

no travel for a thought




that sullen sunbeam

unravels

repeating miserable mouths




the song that should

usurp winter

has buried it's notes




thru' windows

such glass appears

sadness




every word i make

falls

every page clear as snow




turn into this

mausoleum of

atoms




withdraw all

edges until

touches are far




no glimpse can

enter nor

enquiry mutter




subdue the butterflies

from their spring

let such colours waste




and the broach of

bluebells cease their

eyes, blacken





i cannot be





want to cease?

undo moments?

fragments endure the whole become broken

i cannot be




felt you leaving me

soaring as sighs beyond the mountain peak,

my every sun lit day

gone to coldly greying




want to weep?

no river is long enough,

no thunderous cloud could hold

the burdens that yearn to fall




felt you watching over me

thru’ out sleep’s contented veil,

and everywhere my gaze since stood

being wherever i think or breathe




want to dream?

but dreams themselves fallow

in black building skies

where chrome horizons die




centuries have taken to wear stone

ten shadows deeper and splinters for the sun,

i am 48 shadows further

my own weather melancholy to repeat




watched a spire gleam

a swan become moonbeams

a lake into silver being,

you beside me, a whispering, a memory




i cannot be





teardrop





to some

imbalanced rain

too heavy with remembering




having placed all past landscapes

into here

into this refractile river




against the glowing of the grain

against the sun dazed bower




flow backward’s to it’s source

before the seed was meant




to some

a confusion of snowflakes,

no edge to find standing




so brightly gleamed, and chrome rooted

hot white bees partake of dissolving,

cold coats upon floors

empty unattended rooms




calendar gazed fields return

with garments of broken bronze

and leaves to scatter swans,

no clock face is without suture lines




beyond each scar unsettling places to be

a smooth loam graced with exact fingers

thin eyelids of frost

and continual sighs perforating every spider’s web




to some

glistening gone wrong

un-belonging to every surface




fragile everyone

as if spoken would fracture each lullaby axis

too burdened with shadowy assassins




no nexus sought shade

or cool silence to erase

but standing where cliff edge melted




infused with purples and bruises for thunder

each word fell dead bells cracking open sombre

and snowdrops wither in black pith




there is a wound now edging thru’ the soul

a canyon for a lake to be engulfed

a white limited cry for no one to notice




a gathering of false dew

hidden within the marrow,

greased angels slide on thru’ nooses




audible oceans stir to within one raindrop

grief is placed serenely into,

imperfect spheres in delicate maelstroms




bring on the doting sirens, crack the air from quiet

the sky is widowed bowler hats so deeply blazed black

sound the breezes with lamentation and be done with death





this moment dark, farewell





the dark is real

it will not leave

or perish, and

what we perceive

as lifetime is mere

minutes




the stride towards

the untouchable

horizon is longer,

takes the width of

a soul, and footsteps

weary in molasses




where the last sunbeam

falls the moon buries itself

we’ll meet between two

such opposing light, and the

sea will be awoken and the

trees a brim with whispers




take the tear that is

cherished and held

like a ghost collected

archive, yesterday’s

melancholy depart,

3 tears for 3 years




the dark is a mask

the sky a sack starved

of stars, but glistening

is everywhere i look

i shan’t be the circle of

a clock’s distraction




further than expected

down silhouetted roads

nearer than the rooted

year before, come to collect

when the final breath

is shaken




too many days have

expired and been thrown,

too many mirror divided

moments wasted,

where to stand to

make my last




the anchors i settled

have softened, and the

idea of staying rotted,

the rains will clear

and so will i drift

towards beckoning




and the day i left will

pass unremembered,

words piled onto a few

pages, the window will

still seek the next

season, the next wind




and traffic resumes

being aggressive,

people about their

circles, seduced by

being blind and folded

by the devil




the dark

repeats itself

by fear

by grief

by terror,

atom by destructive atom




we all shall roam

the final road

that knows no

dusk or morning,

and tears that

stood for lives




vanish after

the white hill is met

and dark cannot

scroll or meander,

a doorway full of

acknowledgment

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