tears for a fallen father



i will not let dark occur

or dusk inhabit the sunshine

edges


i think of you

in sleep's most ambient gaze,

a gentle smile then it rained


a distant voice of

gathered whispers,

a distant song


calling you

calling you

to meet old vanished friends


but here,

here the sun is broken

and the sky bereft


as if sunlight

has been banished

and the noise from laughter, muffled


i will not let twilight

become the end of day

or sorrow to requiem brighter


wish,

for you are eternal

in my sigh


and i will

sigh

often


in every

archived

moment


think you in

every heartbeat pause

or season unfolding


i fold each empty day

as if you have filled

them


i'll go beyond

clocks to revisit you

in every yesterday spent


i will not let tomorrow take you


you'll be in every atom

every bud about to

fling


i will not let the devil occur

or quiet take you,

you are infinite here


beyond my shoulder

but far from crows on

crippled boughs


listen


listen to

the breeze

held within my heart


you

are named

upon every petal


tho' silence comes

with eyelids

full of dew


i will not forget you



taken thru' hushed veils



where are you? "gone"

sighs the tremble in the

breeze, "gone" says the crow

in it’s dark charcoal speech


gone, and the heart’s blast was

terrible, it took mountains to

rubble, splintered the sky right

thru’ and bled out it’s river


all the sleeps i had become

lay rotten whilst tomorrow opens

itself and was fearful, so the

heart began to pile it’s ashes


and time began to discard, began

to unravel the cot where i was started,

deleting anywhere known and trusted,

this everywhere of now became natural holes


filled with attempts at nothingness, and

ravines for childhood to tumble into, losing

it’s treasure as it falls, losing everyone i

ever gathered, the prosper of love withered


where are you? soaring now with the weather

fronts? thru’ the solemn voices of rain? or the

creak of dew amongst the hedges, perhaps in

the sea’s unfurling it’s coveted coat of blues?


no echo can recite i can’t remember you in,

so the slopes of synapses go vague and numbness

talks as if i am it’s buried companion, entire

days lose their lived-in-ness, and hurt is wrongful.


to that grey resentful tide, to that pall excluding

light, to grief’s unbearable city, you are silence

do not silence me, do not collect my words

before they are spoken, i had plenty then


now the mouth has lost all wordage, all floors drop

chasms where my stride is damned and in perpetual

recognition of a mortuary circle, you commit sunshine

into dusk, into plummeting inwardness


bulbs that should enlighten spring go back

to dirges, undo the root that has always anchored

me a safe heartbeat, a grey path endures to a grey

abysmal place where cranial fallout continues


enough of downpours, enough to ensure the desert drowned,

the spire seeped and the soul moaned, here is being

borrowed by something else, being gnawed at, and falling

always, thru’ damaged constellations, tear ducts are oceans


then all else was simpler,

pain has become a labyrinth a purgatory

puzzle, an-entire-life limb-liked as if

my everywhere had been killed


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