a calm beneath ice

this is where

noise exacts penance

where the root struggles

to be heard

over is a head’s worth

of interference, of verbs

clashing with annoyance,

terrible atoms too loud

is the yearn of the wave

once it’s broken to disperse

to be elegiac? wet thru’

mirrors lapse into gone-ness

aren’t we all cathedrals of

sighs of jagged burden

wanting a statue’s stillness,

wanting relief from waking?

turn from the tide’s sharpness

turn from online prying, i’ve

packed my ether and refurbished

the cocoon i’m protein building

below a shell’s purist white

there dwells a calm beneath ice

a seldom place where none is

known - a stood still - a precise limbo

think stretched swan horizon

think gossamer tear thru’ a

blizzard mind, where furious

water becomes watchful glass

think nerve ending exits, followers

of dead rooms, a cerebral invite

where voltages-tired start to sing

to behave meteorite glamour

cellophane quiet stops audible

worlds stops their insufferable spires,

cease those radio inspired mouth -

engines, cease the volatile

raucous are neutral coffins now

and persist in the deafness of

thinking, whilst anywhere is

almost and continues shrinking

feint corpses float windowpanes

an arctic eyelid,

in between memory spaces

silences strew and fade

this is where, hushed

i feel so utterly alone

and

abandoned from every touch

vanity crush

“i need more ugliness”

states adonis flatly as

the sky he strides under

morose and pouted

“i’m a polluted self-worth”

lately self harm has

caused the headlines

to stir, pecking their

gossiping butcher birds

telltale maps are a life’s

readable pain my head

tells me, this is a sleeve

where everywhere is

watchable, warm evenings

are making the blood worse

much tequila in that song

of lovelessness

go on slide down daylight

to your photon perish where

dew hastens coldness, where

stars prickle far away

you’re “worthwhile” is on

a wonky respirator being

barely lungs or so the mirror

spitefully stabs

can days be more hurtful?

beautiful embellishes

everywhere it’s graffiti,

those that are reluctant

and inward

hate your own dna,

refurbish the soul

with go faster chrome,

people are bored protein holes

i honeycomb mine

with dreaming,

never felt that

immersed, reality being

overrated

can’t achieve belonging,

too many are occupants of

self-seduced-sticky-

glued-in reflection

too many are immaculate

perfection, whilst drab others

are ugly and rejected -

shipwrecks whilst trying to be

stood

deceitful out there has much

thinness, too many starved

poses, sacrificial-page-altars

under a preening meniscus

a stare imprints onto filthy

glitter, does the returning

gaze make you feel pretty

or dirtier

i am suited to

a stare-less world, you

make me unnecessary-woeful,

unfurl your cunt elsewhere

ok? no in disarray

a planet spilt

mouth consuming mouth,

eat your own sinister hollow

i’m wrongly wired sushi

an alternative flesh that

fleshes no one’s ardour

discarded as ignoring

quite boring this anorak-

living, there is a pill to

make the sun stay down

to ensure those tiny harms

i’ve witnessed enough my 

own window pane and what

menagerie exerts outside, 

a lie, an expansive lie

it drapes the sore reader,

you are unworthy of bright

ether, you aren’t quite

human either

why is need a drug to

blink into someone new?

murder the hen so a revealed

swan is born thru it’s stab wound

vanity

begs

addictive

eyes

climate of chills

teenage lilies falter

abrupt mouths cease,

the advert is appalled at

such premature ghosts,

oh fearful watcher

anxious eighties, gloom

seeped tv screens, is the

horizon’s view young coffin

lids? are we death’s early

apprentice?

wept a diamond as i weep in a throe of ice

frozen soaked in bedrooms cold

where warmth should gnaw blissful holes,

pleasure grenades with us no more,

nowadays always afraid

we, the young, etched with cobweb

some are ruins after, some are

glow-abouts before falling broken,

torn by the headlines whilst all

else is frightened

dead disco’s no music wants to

dance, fleshes can’t tell if there’s

poison in your advance, fashion

hanging off from bones, there’s

a twelve inch dirge about

creased lives are protein gamblers

almost tombstones, bamboo sick

fingers and shadows upon coughs,

we are squandered by many a

secretive winter -

- ambushes artery arenas

in amongst casual beds we caress

one another towards ravine edges,

twilight shall we fall numb and listless

having heard the phantom sigh out

the diagnosis

fearfulness has "bedroom hostages"

watching you fall slim this fallow season,

pale to paler and see-thru’ thinner,

“being no one in particular”

expiry sooner than anticipated

starved of affection

the veil

absurd here,

feelings soar

then resolve under

watchful strictness

how to keep the headlines

hushed or sparse or indifferent

stared to stars

beneath nightly spying,

imaginary exhales

buRns the bed under

quite shivered so

then completely dissolved,

abandoned from comments

stood lonelier still

can you connect the holes?

make the smokescreen clear?

watched minuscule ripples i’d

lie in your muscular grasses pitched

headfirst into forbidden trousers,

afterwards such aftermath corpses

blissed there then vanished,

whose to trace such crimson kisses?

sperm managed furnaces where the

pollen shrieks when blushes court

awkwardness, half a touch too far or

a glimpse that shuts it’s own aperture

disarm the prying radars

murder those usual detectives

the swarm has intention so unnerve

the hive's balance, graffiti the inquisition,

if sneaking into that slice of my heart

prepare for blindess

eyes aren’t they readable instructions?

do you interpret my blood’s menace

or the shard i wish swallowed? is my

shadow that worthwhile to obsess over?

i perfect deeply blurred gazes no glance

is strong enough to undo,

find me and you’ll find absolutely nowhere

a nobody where once i stood

there is a smile that no one knows

not illustrated or worded, a secret

curve when talented nectar almost hurts

it’s the sweetness of it’s maleness i serve

i’d rearrange heaven

or usurp the half lit wife this

world of savoury moonbeams,

discover me, i silhouette

disgraceful yet untraceable

far from this

could this be the stretch that

depletes itself? i’ve not enough road

to follow whilst all else is

breaking

cannot conquer my own dreaming

wanting seems fortified not to happen,

there like a wisp of hopefulness, then

sparse as mismanaged ether vanishes

close enough to the core’s narrative

could die here as easily as passing,

precise “here” isn’t wanted, i’m three

sad minutes of

a compilation of boredom

two minutes and 59 worth

of what? few kisses

fewer bodies delved in

exact nothing is what

the sum of all is

a clock built entirely of rejection,

myself-acquired-eyesores

if

and that is asking

the mind to respond with a

climate that is otherwise dagger’d

if

wishes would comply

connect their mercurial mountains,

if what was dreamt would

live instead of skeleton drifting

would life be worth striding or

the destination just as bland?

am i losing that impetus, that ballad of striving?

the horizon’s dullness is quite blinding

despair is in courtship with my

soul’s verse my lazy lie where

that filthy tide investigates,

smothers me dead thumbs and all

despair’s every-wearable-gloom-

infected-weather infecting the now and

near, i am sought after for falling

to be kept there like a seized teardrop

hurtful because everywhere else is

soaring, ideas tho’ i breed them are

unsuccessful but disrupted cots

my journey bled from

no man can borrow a lifetime from another

no man wants a coffin-lidded-sky,

achievable nothing from the day of being born

once was stood worthwhile

daily i am someone other

otherwise bleak as a funeral hat

where the mouths of disappointment

point, euthanise tomorrow

could the moment assume its rainbow

resume its cocktail gland? i doubt

any colourful would happen

if only i

could chloroform

daily

charon

my husband is skeletal

a white hot limb

starved of spring

locust-turned-heart-valve

possessing only the rust

acquired from years and

failures of often, we met in a

gaunt cafe, the coffee was sour,

it’s people incomplete

thin as sickness, thin words

seep and pile fat regret, a

jolt a prelude of once was

he drank me as a tide would drag

its corpses to lie under with, there

to sing the rattle of it’s cage

eyes about stare-less-ness

sobs framed within blinking, offers

a black bleak gateau slice

moist and miserable -

innards of temptation, it says

“come wade thru’ lifetime’s docile

disappointment” “come partake ether's

polluted poison”

and drift, how i drifted, there’s a precipice

velvet-torn to slide thru’, and there was

rapt, a dripped consciousness

was wowed by peripheral thirst, it asked

me deeper, deepened daggers as he looked,

a swirl of dead crows in his midst, oh how

i swooned beneath its coffin lid

a machete of midnight some

betray, an altar of raw senses,

my jaw can’t complain can’t undo

those bony vampire kisses

they insert a soil that knows my stem

sends this cremation into ignition, my

blood spoilt and parcelled with

mayhem, hear crackles of red

it’s a redness a nude road of exposed

nerves, and lightning hits them hard

as if the ceiling is about to blow

of all the beds you’ve taken me

all reek the same, death has been

homicidal shuffling tarot

in the shadow’s unseen hinge

they are gleam-less now, one an

anniversary of phlegm, a daughter

cried over like birds feeding

that third bed where the liver

wouldn’t respond, blue enough all

dreaming gone, 3 cups of,

did their terrible drowning

“exits are a plenty” he tells me

as if giving of a gift, that pill-full-

boy blazes stiff against paleness

folk are such superficial crocuses

not even elbow deep, the blisses i

acknowledge as fathomless and know

only the furnace they come from

“aren’t i exempt from hourglass

haemorrhage, from the tireless

suck of wasting?” “you aren’t” he

enters into me like a drought

there’s a bar called “erebus”

got me drunk on “limbo” it

tasted of otherness, a rotten

digit for a cocktail stick

roams the dance floor a predator

dark as petrol, bare wreathes

each bud stale, seldom can

summer be trusted

my handsome fellow of soot

in a coat of flowing undisturbed ashes,

that stare bodes infinite my

dreamlessness forever

my shadow taxi

my irreplaceable vacation